G-d Wants to Upgrade Us

Miriam Racquel Feldman
5 min readOct 6, 2022

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Words to Inspire — God Said What?!

by Miriam Racquel Feldman, Somatic Healer, Clarity Coach, Relationship Expert & Author, MiriamRacquel.com

Dear Awesome Person,

Have you ever replaced something old with something new and had a difficult time of it? Like it takes you awhile to get used to the new though in your mind you know and understand it’s an upgrade?

For many years, I had a small laptop with a heavy wine colored case. The case not only protected the computer but was my favorite color. It didn’t bother me too much that the weight of the case caused the computer lid to lean backwards a little too far. I was satisfied and comfortable with my computer — it was the friend that I met with every morning for the 8 years that I wrote, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife.

One day, my husband gifted me with a brand new computer. It was larger, cleaner and more advanced. It was so kind of him and I thanked him. I knew it was an upgrade. And yet, it felt a bit uncomfortable to start with something unfamiliar and new. It took me a while to set things up and get used to.

This is a metaphor for our lives. G-d (Hashem) wants to upgrade us on a daily basis. Everyday we become a new entity. Everyday we get tested, prodded, and pulled in unplanned directions. We are getting upgraded and it can be uncomfortable.

We are getting stretched, our character traits may be tested — are we patient?; are we discerning?; are we kind?; are we disciplined?; do we have faith?; do we believe in ourselves?; do we believe in a Creator who is running the show?; do we sink into despair or revel in optimism?; are we kind and compassionate to ourselves and others?

This very physical world is dense. It is dense with coverings, veils, shades and shadows. So much is hidden from our view. Sometimes we get glimpses into the spiritual behind the scenes, sometimes we read some mysticism that makes the complicated fall more into place.

In my memoir, you can see that many things that made no sense to me at the time, were revealed later to be beneficial. Hashem was upgrading me.

Spoiler alert!

Like when I met David’s good friend’s mother and sister in the basement of Bais Chana (the Minnesota mansion where I studied for a few weeks over a second summer). Or even the fact that I was put in the basement in the first place! I grumbled about not being placed upstairs in the light and roomy bedroom with the big windows facing the deep green of beautiful trees. And yet, that connection to Renee was very important — she helped me reconnect with her son Joel and therefore reconnect with David. Hashem was actually upgrading my life — preparing me for something that would happen later on.

Or the fact that David broke up with me after I wrote to him about finally embracing the faith. It was so painful! And yet, G-d was putting the decision in my lap to stay and continue on the religious path or to leave it. I had the choice. And knowing what I know now, it was such an important choice to make. It had to be all my own.

If David and I had stayed together, there was the very likely chance that if I was met up with obstacles along the path or had negative experiences, that I would have blamed him. I could have said — this was the direction you led us in. This was your choice, not mine.

That would have been a disaster. Instead, G-d handed the decision to me. It gave me resilience and wisdom. It made me hone my faith. I needed to knead it, shape it and work it as my own — not someone else’s. That painful break up situation was an upgrade for my soul and body. I needed to learn new things.

So, what in your life and world are you resisting? Is there an upgrade happening but because you can’t see it, you are only grumbling, kicking and screaming? As a somatic healer, I always let my clients know that the processing of our emotions is extremely important. For our health, it is so important to feel — emotions are “energy in motion” and present as physical sensations in the body. We also can have our temper tantrums, complain and grieve.

And yet after processing, we must also have confidence that there is a deeper and bigger plan than what we can see with our physical eyes. Something important is happening, even when it is uncomfortable. And we should definitely pray to our Creator for revealed good and clarity because pain and darkness hurt.

I got used to my new computer. My mind and body got comfortable with the change.

I love it now. In fact, I look at the old computer sometimes and can’t believe that I didn’t upgrade sooner.

Hashem wants us to receive more divine light, break out of old shells, expand our G-dly vessel and shake off the dust of limitations. It’s time to let go and upgrade.

God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife just got upgraded! It’s now in Kesher Stam bookstore in Chicago in addition to Crown Judaica, Mequon, Wisconsin; Judaica770, Florida; Tuvia’s, New York. Also available at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon. It makes a great gift for friends and family especially around the holiday time :)

And again, thank you!

“This was really a breath of fresh air. Many memoirs about choosing religious life have a distinct flavor — one that isn’t relatable to my own life. This was different. Miriam battled with her spirit and intellect, bringing the reader along for the journey. Her choices were well thought out and intentional. While there is also the whisper of miracles, the focus was on the intellectual process of returning home to comfortable and grounded tradition. I won’t include any spoilers here. If you’re confused about why someone might choose a very different path, this is the book to read. The flow makes easy reading out of a challenging topic. The personal narrative keeps the reader engaged and stuck to their couch.” — Yaffi

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More writings shared at MiriamRacquel.com and YourMarriageMagic.com.

Love & blessings,

Miriam Racquel Feldman

Somatic/Mindbody Healer, Relationship & Clarity Coach, and Author

MiriamRacquel.com

YourMarriageMagic.com

Author of “God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife”

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Miriam Racquel Feldman

Somatic Healer/Clarity Coach/ Relationship Expert . Empowering women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies & intuition. Visit MiriamRacquel.com